I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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