Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
