All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
