Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
