Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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