her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize