My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
