Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
