id be glad to
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I want is dick and wine.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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