She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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