Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
