I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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