What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
