dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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