quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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