i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
