I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
