I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
