i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize