Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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