friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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