He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
