So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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