After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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