unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
