just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
