Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
