Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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