I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
