So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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