a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize