New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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