she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
