she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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