I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
