and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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