Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just forgot I was standing up.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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