Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
