I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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