Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
