I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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