just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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