i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
