Need sex. Gaining weight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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