coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize