What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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