I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
