Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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