I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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