mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
