no, he came in my armpit
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
