i don't plan on having that self control this summer
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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