I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
