Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have post one night stand depression
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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