Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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