I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
