I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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