are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
