Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
