I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
