i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
