he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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