He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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