I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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