singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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