What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
