You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
