and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
