This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize