honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
