weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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