let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
