Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Im part way to drunk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
