So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
