I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
