If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
