I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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