We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize