dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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