Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
