guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize