so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
