so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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