it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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