y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
