I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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