I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
