I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize