idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
