I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
