Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
