so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
